Long time ago, toooooooo long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Sweeties,

well I had an Hacker on my PC and lost all my pis, some sites, had to make all passwords and accounts new if it was possible. I don´t have one single pic here on my own LapTop and if I´m honest, I´m afraid to get ripped again... I don´t know what exactley this was for a kind of hackingattack and I also can´t say all I think ornow about it here. 
This is not my Blog as it will stay!!! ;) I´ll work on  better design and pictures and so on, now I finally can start again.And than I have to see where to open a new website to sell m Vintage and other great clothes and Assecoires as I said in LOOKBOOK today about the "WinterAsiaDream-PrincessCoat" by Custo and the really rar blue heavy Vintage old Disco Pullover, Shirt with endless little pearls on strings like on a Sharlestondress but with the big shoulderpads sure a London 80s piece. And much much much much more for example the Gypsy sequin Vest you saw on a pic before.... I have sooooooo amazing, great and unique stuff for you I just finally have to start with it ;)

LOVE LOVE LOVE, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 This Post will be short I wanna post at my other Blog about all I want. It´s Valentines Day <3 :D And it´s such a beautiful day with Artur and my "present". We make this day very special and I´m so happy. I wasn´t that happy for years... Now we just have to move away from here as soon as possible, to a place wich is sunny and where we belong to and where we are FREE....

Love forever love is free let´s turn forever ou and me...

The greatest thing you´ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!

Where is my mind?

This time I´ll mix a lot of different photos, a mix like the one I have in my had...The first pic is my dreamtypewriter. I really would like to have a old one restored and colored in a cute pastelle color like this pink, green would be great too, like all with shiny colors would be great. But I looked for one to buy and even the not restord ones are soooo expensive and most are on Ebay and you don´t really know if they work, if yes how and where to buy paper and tint and all this things wich are most important. I´d like to have one for my birthday, may I´ll ask my mum and look for one with enough information and also the paper etc.... If my little cutie wasn´t there since 4 days now, I´d be very sad and tired. Not because I have problems with Artur or anyone else I just don´t want to live here anmore. And I dream to start living finally cause it doesn´t feels like this is the life I should live, like I live a life of someone else or if I´m waiting in a "betweenspace" and if I´m with other people I feel like an actor of a very strange theater show wich has to play every day again and again. And because I don´t like it and this every day more, I start to get worse as actor...

Sometimes I don´t know or can seperate what is the show and what the real life and also who is me and who is the charater I play and what belongs to what. Sometimes I´m the actor in my real life and don´t see it and also somedays I have to play my role and forget the stage and start to talk whats in my mind and act normal what is not my text... I really like this mask, I have a few, I sometimes wish everyone could costume and mascarade if he wants and has this kind of days. I wish the mask would hide my face and the way I look sometimes but the mask is just for Halloween and Carneval and in the other time it would make people staring more at you and would make all but not hide... Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a person who is a stranger for me I see the first time. Now I recognize that this open blog is more and more personal and begins to be my mainblog. But I have to take care not to go too far with this...Not here. 

This one is a pic of my Scrapbooking stuff and my little pocket diarys I made, may you can see if you get close to look, the little ones in the middele are all small notebooks or for polaroidphotos or whatever. I like them. But I´m crazy for books, diarys and writing anyway. Cause of this I want a typewriter. Not a big one, a small or best a travel typewriter with box cause I don´t have the space for a big one and I want to keep it with me. I´ll let you know if I get one... :) I´d like to post a pic of my sunshine... But I still don´t know if it´s the best idea if everyone of my family could find me and this blog. I would tell much much more what normally would be very important to know how I am and why I do and feel what but I can´t. I´d like to but I just can´t. I´ll write it in the other one and the version with no cenzores I only write in my diary but even there I don´t write everything down anymore. I can´t trust nobody anymore with this, I was disappointed too often and by people I´d never think that they would read my diary and blame me for my deepest thoughts I wrote down. It felt like they where running in my brain and destroy everything inside...

I really like this painting, it´s a variation of one by Otto Dix I think. It was crazy cause a few days before I was at the Dix artshow, I found this pic and painted it in my diary, I didn´t knew that it´s by Dix. I thought somebody whos not famous made this and I was faczinated. And then I saw the painting at the museum but different, it was only the women in the mirror and next to her two more of her with different faces, good and bad or happy and sad, as you interprate. But I like this one with the little girl much more. It shows exactly what it wants to show, if you know what I mean with this. And I can really identify myselfe with this. I´m sure a lot women/girls do and may also some men cause the meaning is genderless I think. This is exxactly what I wrote about before what I sometimes feel while see in the mirror. I expect to see the 13-year old girl I still think I am and who is still there but looks not as she should. It´s strange and feels not right. Bouth, that I´m not the girl anymore and that I feel this way while knowing that it´s not how it should be. I should feel and see the same me always not just for a while and than again not. I hope it´s just a part of the change from life and feelings and may it is a normal feeling much people have for a while and that it´s just not named or a big theme...I don´t know how to classify infantility I think it´s the right word, it´s not like a diagnose of an illness.

Sorry I didn´t finish this post yesterday I´ll write more in a new one... 

We all live in a yellow submarine...

 This is a photo I made in Ibiza, many, many years ago. The other ones at/in the pool are new and from our holidays in Mallorca. But if I´m honest, I like Ibiza still much more, well it was like my second home. Mallorca has beautiful places, too but my heart belongs to Ibiza...forever...It´s really sad I don´t go there anymore, maybe someday I will again but I heard that all changed there and not for good. It started to get SHIT when David Guetta appeared with his fucking one sound synthy. Fucking idiot, destroyed real Techno like Sven Väth who still makes good partys in Amnesia every monday but it´s all not the same as it was. I watched the island change like this 3 years ago and I don´t want to see it now. With all this stupid, agressive idiots, no plan of good music, fighting during a party, wearing their fucking sunglasses at night and not at the morning after. Assholes!!! Sorry...

 Well this was Mallorca, beautiful place to chill of course but not the "family"... This pic is very bad, sorry for that ^^ I wait for the spring to arrive, can´t see this "winter" or whatever it is anymore. Even if I´m happy that there is no snow, I don´t like snow. I can´t wait for the sun coming out and wearing my lovely sumerdresses again and my Hippie-leatherjacket and so on...

 I don´t have the tie to write a lot now, cause Artur is still here and gets angry if I sit on the PC all the time. Later he goes to work anyway and I can write more. Here two more poolpics of Mallorca ;)

But I really love this kind of pools you think it goes directly into the sea. Wonderful!!!! Until later ;)

Julie

People are strange when your a stranger...

Well now I go on writing a little about me. Artur is back from work and in a hour we´ll go out a little. Ah this pic of me is one I really like, of course I wear false lashes but this is REALLY my eyecolor :) I have to do so much stuff and to put all m clothes and bags and most important my diarys away...And I have too much diarys, I write every day, since I learned how to write. Before I painted little comics to put down what happened in my life. I really don´t know where to put all this things, we defenetly need a bigger flat even if I love this one. But when I moved in 5 years ago, I was alone, after a year I met Artur and we decited never to seperate :) But seriously we need some more space, for now. Not that I need that much (I don´t even have a real mirror ^^) but for Jeanie... i don´t know if I´ll stay this way with writing her name. First I wanted to call her Alice but that wasn´t possible anymore. I´m so happy since she is in my life. I mean sure I was happy before with Artur but for the moments we fight or he just don´t understand because it´s a "girlthing" now I have her and I didn´t go out for such a long time because of my epileptic attacks and the fear to fall on the ground or in front of a car and even the whole feeling of the own body changes suddenly if you get this illness...I wasn´t very selfconfidenced anymore, not because of my look or my character it was just the feeling to loose control about everything in one second and don´t can control your own body anymore. I felt strange for myselfe and for other. I was interested how such an epeleptic Grande Mal attack looks because I didn´t knew and you can´t remember after and so I watched a clip on youtube and I was very shocked and thought that it´s kind of creepy or shocking for the people who have to see this and didn´t want to go under people... You know it´s really shit if your whole life was a party and you danced in the biggest clubs on tables for hours and smiled to the people, sure about yourself and then suddenly you sit there on your first day of work ( it was a minijob at the phone but on this day was a meeting with a lot of people and really professional) and then you wake up, the room is empty, the docs and above you carring you in the hospital and you don´t know whats going on you only feel ashamed and that helpless and also guilty for the other who where in this room...It´s like your whole word breaks in pieces. And now it´s so much better after this few days with my cute little baby :) I don´t want to sound like I´m not grateful for the great time I had before in my life and most epileptic people have to deal with it since the first day of their life but I think it´s for everyone who was alwas healthy hard and a shock and new... 

I´m really grateful that my mother and Artur of course are so great.

I don´t trust a lot of people but not because of them, most are so lovely it´s only because of me. A little longer and I may would have started to get phobic with the people around. I can´t remember the last timme I was shopping I only buy things from web or sometimes go with Artur or my mum but I really hate it. I loved shopping...Like every woman probaply does. I´m sure I´ll get back to this now. And maybe the whole thing will be much better if I´m clear in my mind again I think such things go hand in hand. At the moment I don´t want to see my family only my mum and my grandparents sometimes but that´s it. Even they are too "much" for me and too strange sometimes. But in this case Morrison was defenetly right: "People are strange when your a stranger..." I think I seem very very strange to a lot of people. I don´t know. But I have my diarys and my partner and also my family ( my real family). There are also some of them who may have the same blood but this means nothing.... But well they can read this ^^ But the one I mean knows anyway... So no matter... I nearly finished my book now. I mean it was finished a lot of times but the fact that it´s my story, I mean what really happened in my life, you always have something you think it´s not perfect or too private or too far away from the real story. I will try to bring it out-can I say it lie this? ^^ Well you may think it´s crap cause I don´t write a proper english but in german I´m really into the right words and try to make a spirit and show pictures with the right sentences. I only decited that this blog should be red by anyone who likes and I´m sure that I´ll write better the next weeks if I practised a little... I´d really like to write about serious and deeper themes as I do now but I don´t want to start if I don´t have the perfect words or at least good words to describe. Do you understand what I mean? I don´t have follower at the moment anyway, it´s sad but on the other side I´ll write better and about more interesting things after some time...

But as i promised you, I write more the last time sure I have some days I don´t want to tell anything or I just feel that empty that I would only write nonsense and shit anyway so I better let it be and I have to write my diarys every ay too and now I have also to look and orientate cause of my study or job or whatever comes next. But one thing is now sure for me, this time it will be something I really want, nobody else can choose for me and say what makes me happy even if they want only the best, I know of course. I´ll go inside me and follow the feeling I always had and what was often ignored by the most and so by me cause of the wish to make all happy. But I know now it´s NEVER possible to make ALL happy and you can´t even make one person happy if you are not. So I´ll deal with my thoughts and even my fears and also the feeling of feeling guilty not to make some people happy as they wanted to be happy for me... Because it´s not real, it´s a lie and it´s selfish even if they don´t see. I´m selfish too but I don´t want to live a life of a person I´ll never be and never would like to become. So for now I wish all a very merry unbirthday and sweet dreams. Will write again as soon as possible ;)

Julie

I made some collages of my pics, there will follow much more....

May some like this for LookBook?!?!

Hot Stuff

I thought I write a post about my favourite things the last month and post some pics here to show and describe you :) So lets go:

I really felt in love with making Scrapbooks do you already know? I think so... But for me it was really new I used to have normal, old, diarys ^^ But now I´m "Scrapbooking" all time and for the first try it´s the best to have some inspiration like this great collection of art pieces by K& Company they call it "Smashbooks" you can find them on amazon and everywhere else in the world wide web ;)

Next pics (above) show my new lovely leggings b T-Paris for example- the Alice in wonderland one is by them and the Star Wars leggings you can find if you google and on amazon, too. They fit perfect and ou always look fabolous!!!! <3

This little puppets/ hand-puppets are called "Little thinkers" and are really cute plush toys for adults who like to play. Here you can see William Shakespeare and andy Warhol and I just bought Sigmunt Freud ^^ Buy them on mikfunshopping.com/de

And the last here is my favourite of the last half a year: A Fujifilm Mini Instax Polaroid camera to choose in this colors ( I bought blue cause I always buy pink and wanted to try something new :P ) I love it, it makes great little polaroid photos in creditcard-size and you can buy a lot of cool accesoires like frames or photobooks and more for it- believe me it´s better and more worth than an old one ( I wanted first too) but this is high quality and just so cute!!! And with around 70 euros not that expensive!!!! 

<3 <3 <3 <3 ;-* Julie